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Article:
Coaching Your Teenagers on the Quest for Good Grades
by V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed.
It is important that as a parent, you create a flexible
environment that supports your teen, and provides her with the
opportunity to grow into a self-reliant young adult. As a
teenager, she will think at times that she has all the answers,
and not need you. However, she will be happy to have you as a
"safety net" when she realizes she does not have all the answers.
This can include how well she is doing in school.
Obviously grades are important but sometimes the quest for good
grades can become an obsession, or not taken seriously enough. As
parents, we can fall into the common trap of measuring our
child's success solely on grades alone.
Rising to their full potential:
What can help is to set the expectation that it is more important
to understand what they are learning, as well as rising to their
full potential, as opposed to just getting good grades. Grades
are not necessarily a true indicator of knowledge acquired.
Stress that what they retain and apply, is more important than
just obtaining a good grade. Teens need to have balance.
Building their confidence level:
It is also important to keep your teenager?s confidence level
high. That is, raise or lower the performance bar as necessary,
depending upon her abilities and things that may be impacting her
life at the time. For example, your daughter may want to achieve
a certain grade point average, but is struggling with her
Chemistry
class. No matter how hard she studies, her grades will
vary from a C+ to a B. You may need to coach her that if she is
working to her potential in Chemistry, then that is really good.
That trying to study harder under those conditions will only
cause her stress that may impact her other classes, and/or her
quality of life. The best thing to do may be to strategize what
she can do in her other courses to accomplish her goal. Have her
discuss her concerns and alternatives with her teacher and/or
Guidance Counselor. Once she has the information, talk it through
with her and allow her to make her own decision about the best
way for her to proceed. This approach will allow her to be
proactive instead of reactive. Also, by discussing issues with
the appropriate people, she will feel more in control and will
discover her alternatives and how to better solve her problems as
they arise.
However if there are no alternatives, then encourage your teen to
accept that she is doing her best because she is working to her
potential. Reinforce that it is more important that she
understand and apply what she has learned, than to try
fruitlessly to improve a grade.
Summary:
The best way to coach your teenager with her schoolwork is to
understand:
- What are her strengths and areas for improvement
- That her progress needs to be monitored; and she needs to be
involved in making decisions about how she can improve her
performance, and achieve her goals.
- It is important to learn to discuss a potential problem, and
determine solutions as opposed to getting stressed out after the
fact.
- That your teenager needs to understand, and accept that working
to her potential; and understanding what she learns is more
important than just trying to get a better grade.
It is vital that your teenager realizes that you don?t judge her
by grades alone, and that you value her motivation to improve. If
she feels that she can discuss how she is doing and that you will
support her if she is making a sound decision for the right
reasons; then you are well on your way to becoming best friends
with a solid relationship.
This article is an excerpt from the book "Realizing the Power of
Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best
friends...and how you can too! By V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed and
Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site at
http://www.dads-daughters.com/
*
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